Since I last wrote, my father’s health has declined rapidly. This, coupled with the normal busyness of life, has kept me from sitting down to write until this morning.  Today we come to the last section of  Romans 12:9-21.  Verses 17-21 are where the ‘rubber meets the road’ in the life of one who follows Christ.  

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

These verses have to do with how to respond when wronged; how to fight back using the greatest weapon available to us.  I read an article on these verses called, “The Ultimate Weapon” written by Dr. Richard Strauss.  It is so good.  Here is the link to the article: http://spiritualgold.com/transcripts/ROM-27.html.  In the article, there is a quote written by a Dr. Richard Halverson who summed up the meaning of these verses beautifully. 

Fighting with Fists

“There are many ways to fight….You may fight with your fists…but what does it prove–even if you win? It certainly doesn’t prove you are right…it just proves you have more muscle, or can duck better…or maybe you’ve got a harder skull. In fact, chances are the guy who uses his fists knows he’s wrong–that’s why he resorts to muscle instead of brains…he bluffs his way through life with a strong arm instead of intelligence.

Fighting with Words

“A man may fight with words…even win the argument. But what does that prove? Except that he is smarter with the king’s English–more adept at language. Or maybe it just proves that he is a loud mouth!

Fighting with Love 

“Love is a way to fight, too! Love is a mighty force–the mightiest force in history! This does not mean that love never loses–it often loses on the short-term basis…but it always wins ultimately! Jesus loved…and they put Him on a cross–crucified Him like a common criminal. The man who fights with love must be prepared to lose–temporarily! He’ll be invincible in the long run–but he must be willing to suffer setbacks. That’s why only strong men can fight with love. Weak men don’t love–love requires strength, courage, fortitude! Weaklings must use fists–or arguments–or guns. But they are no match for love! ‘Love outlasts anything.’”

Fighting with love is the hardest and least natural, but most rewarding.  What do you do when you are wronged by your spouse?  What do you when you are wronged by one of your children?  What do you do when wronged by a friend?  What do you do when wronged by a co-worker?  What do you do when wronged by a stranger?  What do you do when wronged by family?  What do you when wronged for your faith?  Do you fight with love? 

The apostle Paul describes this weapon of love in his first letter to the Corinthians and thus his letter to us.“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

I am sad to admit that I have often picked up the wrong weapon to fight with when wronged.  I have thrown things across the room in a fit of rage at my husband several times over the 28 years that we have been married.  It’s embarrassing to admit, but true and not something I am proud of.  This is not how a woman who loves the Lord should behave no matter what.  I am even sadder to admit that I have thrown words out of my mouth in anger toward my husband many times, even as recently as last week.  When wronged, fighting with words is my most natural tendency and it never comes to a good end.  I know that I have grieved the Lord more times than can be counted in this area, especially in my marriage, but thankfully I am saved by faith in Christ and know the Lord has forgiven me for every careless word that has come out of my mouth.  Hallelujah! Even so, I still want to fight against this sin by getting my eyes off of myself and putting them on my Savior who died for me.  In the book of James, there is section on the tongue which is so convicting.  

James 3:3-10, “When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.  With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.”

Isn’t this so true?  Out of the mouth comes praise and cursing.  Are you like me in fighting with words?  We need the Lord to help put down that weapon and pick up the weapon of love.

In studying Romans 12:17-21, I see three negative commands coupled with three positive commands.  Dr. Strauss mentions these as well which you can read about in his article linked above. 

Negative Commands	Postive Commands
Do not repay anyone evil for evil.	Do what is good and honorable.
Do not avenge yourself.	Do what leads to peace.
Do not be overcome with evil.	Do what ministers to others.

These six commands show us how to fight with the weapon of love.  When wronged, we don’t have to repay evil for evil, we don’t have to avenge ourselves, we don’t have to be overcome with evil.  When wronged, we can do what is good and honorable.  We can do what leads to peace.  We can do what ministers to another even if they wronged us. 

I have learned some steps through a wonderful online class called “Becoming a Woman of Strength and Dignity” that have helped me in this endeavor.  However, it’s one thing to know what to do and another to put it into action. Had I done these steps last week, much sin could have been avoided had I picked my weapon of love, and put down my weapon of words.

Six Steps to Take to Help You Fight with Love:

1. Name Your Feelings

Psalm 139: 23 “Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my anxious thoughts.”

I am learning to stop and think about what I am feeling at any given moment; remembering who God is and who I am in Him. This helps diffuse so much and protects me from sinning and speaking when I ought to be quiet.  It helps me to be slow to anger, quick to listen, and slow to speak.

2. Normalize Your Feelings

I Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

I am learning that when I stop and name my feelings that they are often normal.  It is so helpful to know that what I am feeling at a given moment is what others would feel as well.  However, this doesn’t always mean what I am feeling is right.   I love the promise in this verse that even when our feelings about something may be considered “normal”, that they might be sinful and so the Lord is faithful to show us a way out.

3.  Receive Comfort from the Lord 

Psalm 19:1-2 “The heavens declare the glories of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge.”

This step is basically doing something to bring the cortisol down; that fight or flight hormone, and bring up the serotonin; that calming, feel good hormone. For me, going for a walk calms be down.  I love being outside, I enjoy exercise, and I love the quiet.  I realize that there may not always be time for this but this is what I do to insert space and settle down. Focusing on what the Lord has made helps put much into perspective.

4. Listen for a Gentle Truth from the Lord

Lamentations 3:22-23 “The steadfast love of the Lord never cease; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”

I am learning to be quiet and listen.  By inserting space, the Lord is faithful to bring to mind who He is and who I am in Him. It is true that His love is steadfast.  It is true that His mercies never come to end.  It is true that He is faithful.  Those truths alone help in the endeavor to fight with love. 

5. Take Responsibility for your Part Alone 

Matthew 5:7 “First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of

your brother’s eye.”

I am learning that I can only take responsibility for my part in things. I am often tempted to take responsibility for things that are not mine to own.  This step is so important.  It helps to really think through what’s what.

6. Commit to Doing Things Differently 

Proverbs 16:3 “Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”

This step is vital to being a “doer of the Word and not a hearer only.” When I take responsibility for 

my part and commit to doing things differently next time, or commit to apologizing, or commit to being quiet, or what have you, it diffuses things especially with my husband and draws us closer together. It’s the last precious step in fighting with love.

Blessings to you all as you fight with love!

Heather 

When You Pray…

Each day: 

1. Pray for yourself.
2. Pray for you spouse.
3. Pray for your children.

Weekly:

Sunday – Government

Monday – Immediate Family

Tuesday – Your Church 

Wednesday – Your Extended Family

Thursday – Your Spouse’s Extended Family

Friday – Your Friends

Saturday – Variety

Feel free to go back and review in more detail the weekly prayer points.